i need to blog desperately. just can't imagine, in a single night, less than an hour, things could change so much. i dunno. i just got angry for no reason. nope.there was a reason..i thought everything i told him, he told her and i felt betrayed...somehow. finally i cum to noe that someone is feeling sad? panic? depress? jealous? b/c of me. me. i dunno. i can confirm his feelings abt me but it's juz that after wad he told me, everything was not the same nemore. i start to feel pressurised when i tok to him..mostly i hate the way he always ask wad was i doin? i felt being very controlled. m i suppose to tok oni to u, focus oni on u n cannot do other things? even though u r not doing that? somehow i feel very guilty when i answer him. there is tension that..invisible one..until like i wan to suffocate. cant breathe, especially when i think abt this. what is there to be jealous of? dexian is nothing..we knew each other oni for like how long? ok..i noe i feel so much better when i tok to him, but so wad?..or issit really sthg? i like crapping wif him. but it's juz crapping..u noe crapping! the shan zhu n stuff...haha...i feel more light hearted.
i feel like as if i'm making this whole situation very bad, i'm responsible for it. for this strained atmosphere. i read the conversation. i almost cried, but i din...i din...or issit juz pity for him? den y dun i juz let go? y m i so selfish? if i juz told him to give up den maybe he would feel better afterall, do not tie him down. but i oso scared that this thing maybe like a "3min" thingey for me. juz that yi shi zhi jian de chong dong he hao qi...i read this horoscope book. it said that in my love life, i may lose many good opportunities juz because i'm so afraid or sthg liddat..hmm like too choosy or wad. maybe i shd juz meet him, since jm already like brought it out for me. den let's juz face it n not run away nemore. c'mon. there's a good guy out there n wad's there to hesitate?
it's so simple. juz meet n u're done! if u wan to accept den accept if not den let's juz forget it. i'm still young newae.
i scared that he would be very controlling as in like which guy u tok to n tok to him for wad oso wanna care. ok..y did i think of this. i m complicating the whole thingey. nothing wld happen. i noe he has his probs...erbs..blah blah blah.
i admit when he toked abt like shin min ask if he noes her like very well, i got a bit of sour in my heart...at the same time, i feel that something in my heart is starting to fade away..sthg..i dunno wad's that...