listening to: coldplay - the scientist

haha..i dunno whether to luff or not...so amusing. haha..well well, i really wonder, issit guys are the ones oni to haf multiple partners? tt's wad i wanna say now. okie..it's not the feeling of betrayed but i juz really find myself stupid. did i learn a lesson? ya. guys are not to be trusted i guess. hmm...lucky i m nt the type who would be crying in the bed over such things sia..no pt mah...muahaha. okie..me bad me bad. okie lar..here the story goes. one of those stupid online stuff. yup yup....the guy shall be named bryan(lol...chipmunk)

i started toking to bryan not long ago. at first i din noe we wld reach such a stage of frenship. yup...we toked n toked. he said he like me. but hu noes rite? i had alot of doubts. pple say liking pple for their looks is not anything near love. it's infatuation which oni last '3 months'(as quoted by glenn haha) but he(bryan) said it's not. girls are not some thing for showing off kaes. well. i m not saying i chio lar...i msged him almost daily. i dunno y. maybe it's juz natural. yup. cos i din wan to msg others too. when i tok abt other guys he felt jealous then he wld go all green. haha...sometimes i find it amusing lar. somehow cute oso. u noe, like someone is jealous over u..tt kind of stuff..yar. the qtns i haf in my mind was: if he was goodlooking, how cum he has no gf? which sounds immpossible cos goodlooking guys usually have gf. y wld he like me when there is so many girls in his sch? issit juz a fling? many others qtns popped up which i cant remember now. he asked me to be his gf. i din agree haha. cos i din wan to be tied down to be exact. (sajc oso got quite a no. of shuai ges =P) the first time he asked i said no. the second time oso no. there was no sense of security. no sense of reality at all. haha..yar..tt's wad i said abt the reality part. i wouldnt wanna waste my time on some online guy lo and i think it's not worth it at all. but newaez..he was a lil disappointed, but he said he respected my decision. okie. so let u go respect lo..haha..then came the day which i din regret my decision! =) which is today. lucky sia..if not how deep would i have plunged! he sent me this pic of a girl, ask me whether chio or not. then i say pretty..yar..i think maybe he was somehow testing me out. actually oni for tt 2secs. 2secs. tinge of jealousy. no more than 2 secs. y 2 secs leh? i oso dunno haha after tt it was like some girl to girl gossips discussing abt who's the coolest guy and stuff. yar. then we went on toking abt other stuff like he's new pencil box and dunno wad...he said 'i still have u and tt vjc gal' i said he 'yi jiao ta liang chuan' like as if toking to a guy who is oni a fren to me. we went on joking abt other things yar....actually the first tot that came to me was. how stupid i was! i knew that he was not happy when i toked abt other guys then how did he think i wld feel when he toked abt other girls? i haf no idea. maybe he expected me to think it was alright for him to do tt. well...i dun give it a damn now. suddenly he has turned into a complete stranger as i write my blog now, analysing everything. so scary sia~he could still say those 'sweet nothings' to me? oh..to a certain extent i find it disgusting haha. last time i used to think it was sweet. haha suddenly so distant. since he din thought abt how i felt...then...it wld be final. haha...the 'usual mask' wld be put up again...tt's one thing i m sure tt i wld do. i think there's no further we can progress nemore lo. u cant juz find 2 girls and say one is for spare de mah..yar i think tt's a selfish act. if i wld one to be somebody's gf, the golden rule i would set is no other guys. no i will not look at other guys. so i will think carefully, whether is tt person worth it for this..i wld call it..sacrifice. yar..this guy here definitely isnt worth it. haha..wad a great sense of relief!haha...i tried not to tok abt other guys in front of him cos i tot he wld not be happy.but he toked abt other girls? i cant stand pple not being unhappy, as especially if it's bcos of me. but newae, i wont blame him for nething. i wouldnt cos if nething happens, i guess i wld oni blame myself.
woo...wad a long blog...i would really like to thank god, for being with me and directing me...all this while

the online world is such a deceptive place. too many qtns. too many doubts...oh well..u tot i like u?

the voice in my head said a firm...

no