patience max-ed out

the past few days seemed as if i had been living in a pressure cooker.things happened at work.alot happened at home.

my mood hasnt been great and i m disgusted with myself till now.

ahwell.i've seen how 2 faced i m.having to smile even when i feel so shitty inside.i dun wan to do all this u know.last night was the ultimate already.i put on a fake mask for like 4 hours.TRYING to be SOCIALBLE.if not, i would do someone shame.and 'their side of pple' would think we are 'proud' 'anti-social'.so ultimately, u're trying to say we are the 'other side' rite.no.no anger. just disappointment.and even if i had been told a good news, please dun expect me to rejoice.i will do the minimal of every expectation u have of me.u wan me to go? so be it.i go.u wan me to be sociable? so be it.i will not give u any chance to rebuke me when there's an argument.you don't trust me? there's nothing i can u.you dun even trust any single one in the family.u wan to be in control? showing u're the head of the family.haha.dun make me laugh.sorry.u CMI already.your children are not your puppets anymore.so please wake up from your lala land.things have changed.no longer our lives revolves just around the family nor will your children be completely dependent on you like they were first born.no! so stop your bossings.they dont work anymore.u get more rebellious kids ok.

this problem has been there for a freaking long time.dunno why, things have been left there just as it is.it doesnt accumulate.it just goes in a cycle.the same problem, different context.

the communication breakdown.i wish for everyone to sit down and talk it over dinner.but right now i dun think i can do that.

oh wells.this weekend has been sucky.a horrible start for the year.nothing much to say.just alot of things going in my head..families, studies, career..