Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witness, let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~Heb 12:1 NLT

I know it's definitely something that God wants me to do right now. This verse came to me quite a few months ago and i liked it immediately. The middle portion spoke to me the most at that time. Well, there were a lot of distractions in school (and now it's still like that) , in my life and i was still adapting to the new environment. Sin was everywhere if you look closely and i guess i was attracted by these earthly activities as well. It's not that i took part in the activities but thinking about participating in them was sinful enough. The mind is much more dangerous than the physical self. For me, it was those posters of bashes and parties that were particularly enticing to me. Haha. But of course, as long as it's not God's will, nothing will happen.

During the last academic year, i went through a whirlwind of emotions and at some point in time, even going on a hiatus with God. Now i look back, it feels quite painful and sometimes i still feel very bad over the fact that i did such a foolish thing. But you know what? I think it's one of the jigsaw puzzle pieces of God's picture of my life. Each time i go back to Him, He feels more real than before and there is greater assurance that He is working in my life. Looking back, it's just crazy that i am where i am today, doing what i am doing now, serving Him, praising Him, thinking of Him. I have never spoke to God more in my life than now and never thought more about being Christ's ambassador than now. Well, i hope to persevere! like what He tells me in Hebrews 12:1. That this Christian walk is will be trying and with perseverance, comes maturity and completeness.

And today, i've learnt another aspect of this word 'Perseverance'

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
~ James 1: 6-8 NLT

Endure and believe in him.

Yeah, i will tell myself that everything be done in God's will..but how often have i practiced this? Do I believe it in my head or heart? How many times have i manipulate my thoughts to make it my will? It becomes 'God, if XX is your will, then let YY happen' and in the end, YY doesnt happen. Guess what? so i'll say let ZZ happen so that it will show XX is your will. It's so stupid i realised. Is it God's will? NO. I am just trying to make God approve of what i wanna do. Then i slowly realise, when it's His will, i don't have to do anything and things will just happen. As long as you open your eyes and learn to give thanks, you'll see his grace overflowing in your life. These small little surprises are things that fill your life!

Hmm..Undeniably, I am guilty of v7-v8. Yes, at times i doubt God when i ask for things. Why doesnt it happen? Didn't God say, ask and it will be given? so why didn't You fufil what i've requested? The next thing i do is to use my own strength to make things happen and at the end of the day, it's nothing far from disappointment. I guess, i always learn things the hard way and God wants me to bear the consequences. and..like a double minded man..so unstable. one moment i decided to trust God and the other minute, i feel that maybe i should just do something so that things can happen my way. ahh. yeah. so i should think that i will receive anything at the end of the day.

hmm. Just something random about the 'ask and it will be given' thingy. I feel that non-christians has this very wrong perception about it..to them, it's more like God will give me anything I want if i ask for it. There's always more meaning to things said in the bible than to read it superficially. What's your purpose in requesting? Is it your will or God's will? Most of the time i find myself loss for words to explain cos i have no idea where to begin with. bahh.

I guess, everything and every person that i have encountered in my life so far, is God's plan in my walk with Him and all i need to do is persevere in face of trial and temptations..easy to say but only when things happen will my faith be judged by Him.

Perseverance.