seeing how these days the kids are being stressed out by so much work, projects and test makes me feel fortunate. somehow or rather. i dun recall my secondary school days to be like that tho. well, i just came from rebekah's blog. it just got me kinda emo.

this journey that we've embarked on, the 40 DOC, how much are we applying it into our lives? yes..we can hear so much, even hearing it again and again, know it from head to toe and inside out. but the issue here is. how much of it is embedded in your lifestyle? how much have you internalised?

Loving each other..
Reaching out..
Belonging together..
Growing together..

i cant be bothered to link what i've just said and there's just too many thoughts being clumped together.maybe it doesnt make sense to you but..anyhows..As fellow brother/sisters in christ, how have we provided each other with support/encouragement knowing especially that someone needs help? Or so we thought 'everyone will have to cope at the end of the day.' Totally defeats the purpose of 'belonging together' and 'growing together'. So why are we even christians?

Head vs heart knowledge.which is what the leaders have been trying to impress so much upon the sec ones..but..where are we at now? how much have we progressed each and every week. How many people will we lose?

There's this sense of turmoil in my heart. it's not because of some problems that i am having now. we all have our own issues, i believe. i guess compared to others, my problems are just so minute. but seeing the people around me.. i dunno.. not being able to help makes me feel.. XXX (i dunno what word to use) hey you must be thinking 'no trouble find your own trouble. lame.'

I was flipping through Proverbs recently (i quite like Proverbs)..and i wonder..how many of us are living a life like what Proverbs 14:13 says: Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains. (NLT)

i guess there's a few words that we can replace the word 'grief' with. like..Hurt. Worries. Anxiety. Burdens. Is it just a front that people are putting everyday to get on with life.. we always say 'life goes on..' but. can we go on with this heavy heart..this..untied knot.. Day in day out, we go to school, we go to work, we continue with our lives.. going through the same routine again and again. what meaning is there?!

There was one day i told me mum i wanna go backpacking in europe (for a month or so) after i graduate from uni. she was shaking her head.. i know what's she thinking.. work.start working.yeah..but we come to this world..study and get so stressed by school during your teens..and when we finally get out of this stupid cage.. we step into another shithole.. the working world.. and then our lives go on..get married..become old..fall ill..and die. so sad. i feel so sad. so we are slogging our lives..chasing after good grades..worrying over money for livelihood and at the end of the day we just die?! You know what the saddest thing is? My mum replied 'ya. that's life.' I was loss for words cos i know it will never go into her head if i start talking about 'the meaning of life' a great example of a hardened heart.

good grades.. being the best player in the team.. finally getting a driving license.. earning alot of money.. so what. so what?!

This may not apply to your life right now..and if you think i'm not making sense please just bloghop to another page.

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Recently, i have been rather intolerant to some people who behaves in a certain way which i don't like. and it's been bugging me. feeling sinful. i dunno what to do with it cos i just cant stand it.

Janice told me.. sometimes as Christians, we are too harsh on ourselves. Because God told us to love our neighbours no matter who they are but when we don't match up to God's standards.. we blame ourselves. i could have done this this this instead of this this this. Ultimately, we are humans, we can never reach God's standards. It is so unreachable. Yeah. i agree and this is head knowledge but i cant reconcile it with my heart. i cant.