i am just feeling abit !)(*)(**&^%^$^#%@#$ today.
emo
scary enough, i've learnt how to mask it in front of people.

i just dont like the feeling of not being able to live up to expectations.
who do?

it's just like..i'm in the dilemma of pleasing others and pleasing myself. i dunno how to describe it explicitly. but.

is there any wrong if i have different priorities from other people and i decide to say no to things. retardly. i feel bad turning down people and it's just so difficult to see a disappointed face. i used to go with the flow, everything 'yes yes and yes' then land myself in a 'why did i even agree to this' situation and start to feel sour and all. and since dunno ever when, i started to think, this cant be it. if i know i wont be enjoying my time. it would be better to say no. there's no pin pointing at anyone. but i'm just questioning myself. is there any problem to it? if no, then why do i always feel bad when i say no?

and it's just like 'come awhile might as well dont come' kind of thing. so..if i'm not gonna be happy doing it might as well dont do. yeah. is life full of obligations? and if i am asking such a question..what does it show?

or am i just speaking rubbish altogether.
or am i just thinking too much and way too much?

so what if i am working and earning and working and earning now? so what if i see S-11s all around? is there any problem?

yes. i know God provides and..and..i dunno how else to continue.

ahs. whatever. yet another day at work tmr.

haha. all i wish to do now is:
get a book, head down to one fullerton starbucks and hibernate there the whole day. just me, myself, and i. really miss the place.
OR
still a book with me, head to sentosa and get a good tan.

sleepy now.
till the next time. bye.